The assignment was simple: go for a walk outside; ask God to reveal a lie about yourself that you have believed; then find a stick that is symbolic of that lie. The exercise was part of a Pastors of Excellence retreat in Ashland, Ohio.
Dutifully, I ventured into the great frozen outdoors to find my stick. But my heart wasn't in it. This was the third such exercise of the day. Each one involved asking God to reveal something and then listening for his response. If you share my background in the churches of Christ, you know that listening for God's voice "separate and apart" from studying the Bible is not one of my strong suits. I had put my heart into the exercises, but not much was happening and I was exhasted. All I wanted was to find a stupid stick and get back inside where it was warm.
"God," I prayed, without much conviction, "You and I both know lots of lies that I've believed about myself. Just pick one." And he did. A thought formed in my mind: "I believe that I have to receive positive reactions from other people in order to be loved." In other words, I'm a people pleaser. My identity as a worthwhile person is wrapped up in my ability to make others like me. Now this was no news flash to me; I've long been aware of this people-pleasing pathology. But God seemed to be saying that now was his chosen moment to address this particular lie.
"Fine," I thought, "but what kind of stick symbolizes that, and where am I going to find it?" Just then, I passed a tree. Like all trees in Ohio in January, it had no leaves. But growing up the side of the trunk was a vine, probably some kind of ivy. The vine sported bright green, heart-shaped leaves. With considerable effort, I pulled loose a foot-long section and broke it off. "This will do," I thought. At my people-pleasing worst, I felt I had to latch onto others and conform myself to their shape in order to be worthwhile. Right down to the heart-shaped leaves, the vine perfectly symbolized my lie about clinging to others in order to feel loved. Or so I thought.
Then I looked again. The green hearts on the vine were the only leaves to be found in the drab winter landscape. If anything, the vine was a symbol of life in all its resilient vitality. Then God spoke the truth to me, one reminiscent of my Bible reading from the day before. (It was Jesus' teaching about the vine and the branches in John 15.) "The vine doesn't derive life from the tree," I thought. "It receives life from the root. But it does need the support of the tree."
The little vine didn't illustrate a lie at all; it taught God's truth. The lie I had believed was a reversal of the vine's message. My life does not derive from the people to whom I tend to cling. My life comes from the root--my relationship with Jesus. I do need other people around me for support. When I draw life from Jesus and receive loving support from others, I flourish. But when I reverse the order--trying to draw life from other people while seeking a little support from Jesus--I live by a lie, a lie that can yield only barenness.
I'm keeping the vine. I need it to remind me that while I need the support of other people, real life only comes from being rooted in Jesus Christ.
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4 comments:
I remember you coming back in and saying that God's message to you was, "It is cold outside!"
I also found it difficult to focus on that exercise, but eventually I heard from God. This retreat was intense. I learned some hard things about myself -- but they were things I desperately needed to learn.
Hope you have a safe trip home -- with the snow and all. You may want to avoid Route 4 this morning!
This seems to be a message a lot of us need right now.
That's why there are two greatest commands-not just one. Great story!!!
Gostei muito e me identifiquei completamente com sua menagem.
Fica frio!
Aurnei
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