Mourning for Ministry Marriages

A Tennessee jury today found Mary Winkler guilty of voluntary manslaughter in the killing of her husband Matthew. Matthew was the minister of the church of Christ in Selmer, Tennessee. The jury of ten women and two men rejected the charges of first degree and second degree murder. In Tennessee, voluntary manslaughter suggests that the crime was committed in an irrational state. Mary claimed that Matthew had been verbally, physically, and sexually abusive.

Thirty years ago, I had a coworker who was good friends with, and had great admiration for, Matthew's grandfather. That's my closest connection to this family. I don't have a right to an opinion on the matter. But I do believe the jury did their very best to render the verdict that best fit the circumstances.

However, the Winkler case serves as a warning to all of us in ministry. Of course, their situation was extreme. But how many ministry marriages are in crisis due to neglect, workaholism, pornography, disrespect, domineering attitudes, or outright abuse? And how many minister's wives keep silent because asking for help would jeopardize her husband's career (and thus her security)? How many ministry families work hard to project the image of perfection, shielding themselves from the kind of spiritual accountability and mentoring that could be their salvation?

How many church leaders simply assume that because a man preaches a decent sermon on Sunday, his marriage must be healthy? We in ministry need to prioritize our marriages and be the first to seek help when they are threatened. And church leaders need to become a lot more proactive in holding ministers accountable to their family responsibilities.