Oh, De Doo-Dah News!

Actual headlines from the Detroit Free Press that can be sung to the tune of "Camptown Races" (followed, of course, by "doo-dah, doo-dah").

• School board fails to vote again
• Yankees 2, Athletics 1
• Longtime movie critic dead
• Tigers trade for bullpen help
• Future nurses go to camp
• Phelps ends meet with three more wins
• Where to see red, white and boom
• Weak link in Katrina fix
• Cemetery suspect stuck
• Miller, Grilli come up short
• Chrysler's China plan a go
• Bystander dies; woman sought
  

Phishers of Men

Department of Heavenland Security
Prayer Validation Department

Dear Supplicant,

We regret to inform you that your account has been temporarily deactivated. Your prayers to the Almighty will not be acknowledged or answered until you reactivate your account using the link below. We have taken this action in response to a potential security breach. We recently learned that our arch-nemesis, B. L. Zebub, has gained unlawful access to millions of our accounts. He has been fraudulently answering our customer’s prayers, with disastrous results. In light of the potential damage, we had no choice but to suspend the prayer privileges of everyone at risk.

To reactivate your account, click the link below. Before clicking the link, make sure you have available your driver’s license, social security number, and a detailed description of your last seven sins.

www.dhs.com/prayer_validation.html

We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. A limited number of emergency prayers are still being answered on a case-by-case basis. Accordingly, we are asking you to refrain from non-emergency prayers—lottery winnings, fair weather for picnics, the Detroit Lions, etc.—until further notice.

Sincerely,
Your Prayer Validation Department Staff

And the Winner Is....

(Drum roll, please.)

Milinda! She was the 10,000^th official visitor to Meanderings and has won the valuable prize pictured at right. Milinda is a frequent visitor and a fellow blogger. Her blog, What Was I Thinking?, is definitely worth a visit. Milinda wasn't even trying to win the prize. She was checking to see if I'd updated my link to her blog's new address (I hadn't). But, wanting to win was not one of the requirements for winning. However, upon learning that she had won, she was ecstatic. "So, what am I supposed to do with another stupid toaster?" she gushed enthusiastically. She said something about saving it for the 10,000^th visitor to her blog, except that she has too much respect for her readers (whatever that means).

While we're at it, let's give a shout out to our two runners up. Visitor number 9,999 was my daughter, Caren George. Her blog, by george, consistently has the cutest baby pictures in the world. And visitor number 10,001 was Jim "always a bridesmaid" MacKenzie, a good friend who resides in Colorado Springs, CO. His blog is I Was Just Wondering.

Thank you, dear readers, for stopping by here periodically. It's been a joy.

Forever?

The Forever Stamp: good deal or bad deal? Let's see. Since 1995, postal rates have gone up, on average, every 2.5 years. The average increase has been 5.1%. Now, let's do a little hypothetical:

You buy 2,439 forever stamps today for $1,000 (you get a penny back in change). Then you stash them away for the next 2.5 years. At that time, postal rates go up to 43¢ (a 4.9% increase). You can now mail 2,439 first class letters for your original $1,000 outlay.

Your foolish neighbor, who bought no forever stamps, must spend $1,048.77 to mail 2,439 letters at the new rate. BUT, when you bought your forever stamps, your neighbor bought a $1,000 CD with an APY of 4.76%, today's going rate. Before going to the Post Office to buy his 2,439 stamps, he stops by the bank and cashes in his CD for $1,123.28. After buying his stamps, he has $74.51 left to spend on ice cream (or whatever).

Even when you subtract the penny you got in change, your neighbor still did $74.50 better than you did.

Michigan, My Michigan

Things I like about living in Michigan:

• Spring: beautiful flowers, green grass, warm days, cool evenings.
• Summer: riding my bike on a warm evening; realizing that even though I'm 10 miles away and it's 9 p.m., I can easily make it home before dark.
• Fall: the explosion of color, brisk air that makes a sweater feel just perfect.

Things I don't like about living in Michigan:

• The other ten months.
  

But Wait, There's More!

Teaser headlines from the cover of the June issue of the Woods-n-Water News (Michigan's Premier Outdoor Publication):

• Spoons: Not Just for Pike Any More
  
• Supercharged Smallmouths

Huh?

Try a New Church With an Edge!

The last few weeks, I've taken a bit of a sabblogital (a break from blogging for a while). But a full-color junk mail postcard for a new church in our community has moved me to break the silence.

The front of the card shows a climber suspended by ropes and pitons while scaling a sheer rock wall. "Life," the caption screams, "Live it on the edge." In the lower right-hand corner is a picture of Pastor Ron and his lovely wife Pam. No offense, but Pastor Ron doesn't look like he's in any better condition for climbing that rock wall than I am.

On the back is the headline, "Try a New Church With an Edge!" And what might that entail? Well, just feel the excitement as you read the description: "At FORECAST FOR LIFE CHURCH, you'll find a 'brand new' church family, teaching a solid Bible message. You'll find a guitar, a video projector, a unique worship style, PowerPoint and DVD presentations, and sermons that deal with real life issues."

I can just see unchurched Harry and Mary frothing at the mouth to get to that church. "Hey," Harry exclaims to Mary over Sunday morning coffee, "They got PowerPoint and DVD and a git-tar. Gimme a minute to unhook the boat from the SUV. Hot dog, we're goin' to church, baby!"

Mary, fairly trembling with anticipation, responds, "It sounds so trendy, so up-to-date, so modern. And look!" she exclaims, holding out the card for Harry to see, "They're showing that cool new movie, Left Behind, on June 10--and it's FREE!"

Yeah, like that's going to happen.

One last explanation before I quit. The church is named after Pastor Ron's book, Forecast for Life (which the card says is available at Amazon.com and BarnesAndNoble.com). I haven't written a book, but maybe I could rename our church after my blog. Anyone want to come flocking to MEANDERINGS CHURCH--A New Church With an Edge?