I'll Probably Die Without Ever Knowing...

• • The lyrics to "Hail to the Chief" (or if it even has lyrics).
• • The name of even a single character on Desparate Housewives.
• • The rules for backgammon.
• • How to ride a unicycle.
• • What red and green look like to people who aren't red-green colorblind like me.
• • Why "pro-life" and "anti-gun control" wind up together on so many political agendas.
• • Exactly where Timbuktu is.
• • The difference between up, down, top, bottom, charm, and strange quarks.

A blog you should read is Zeteo, run by my good friend and brother in the Lord, Al Petri. Al's family owns Al Petri and Sons Bicycle Center, but he is better known at our congregation as a voracious reader, a deep thinker, and a man with a servant heart. He and his wife Debby have been faithfully ministering to the homeless for the past couple of years. His blog will make you think and challenge you.

Mark Your Calendars!

Here are some festivals and celebrations around the country that you won't want to miss:

1. The Fishfly Festival in New Baltimore, Michigan. June 21-25. For those of you who don't live in the Great Lakes region, fishflies are disgusting creatures that swarm in from the lakes in droves in late spring/early summer. They don't bite or sting, but attach themselves to just about any vertical surface. Nothing quite says, "Welcome Home" like a couple of thousand of them on your front door!
   


2. The Garlic Festival in Gilroy, California. July 28-30. Including the crowning of Miss Gilroy Garlic.
   


3. The Moose Dropping Festival in Talkeetna, Alaska. July 9-10. No, they don't drop mooses (meese? meeses?), which might be fascinating. Instead, they celebrate what the moose drops!
   


4. Frozen Dead Guy Days in Nederland, Colorado. March 10-12. Sure, lots of towns have a family that keeps their dead grandpa packed in dry ice in a shed out back. But only Nederland celebrates it with a festival!
   


5. Toad Suck Daze, Conway, Arkansas. May 5-7. This has been going on for 25 years, raising money for student scholarships. To study what?
   


6. Mike the Headless Chicken^® Festival, Fruita, Colorado. May 19-20. Yes, Mike is now a registered trademark, evidently to keep copycats and rip-off artists from using his name and identity to line their pockets. As the organizers say, "attending this fun family festival is a no brainer."

Check These Out...

Beth Tunick is a friend of mine and a member of my congregation. She is currently working with a mission team in Uganda. I've added her blog, "Beth in Uganda" to my links. Check it out; she writes so vividly that you're almost there. Please pray for her and her fellow team members.

Let me also point you to another new blog, "What Was I Thinking???" This one is run by Tammy, who has learned to trust God in a powerful way and is in an exciting time of transition right now. She has had a wonderful ministry in rescuing abused and neglected dogs, often finding that behind hurting dogs there are hurting people who need God's love as well.

Things Discovered While Looking Up Other Stuff

1. The name of pinking shears comes from the verb pink, which is defined as "to stab lightly with a pointed weapon; prick." Or "to decorate with a perforated pattern." It's from the Old English pyngan, "to push or prick." Evidently it's unrelated to the word for the color pink, the origin of which is unknown.
   
   
2. The "Abilene paradox" is a behavioral principle set forth by Jerry B. Harvey that describes the tendency of groups to adopt a course of action that none of the individuals in the group favor. (I wonder if this explains the tendency of Abilene Christian University, a Church of Christ school, to do things that bring down upon it the wrath of many churches of Christ?)
   
   
3. The world's largest lava lamp is in Soap Lake, Washington--well, sort of. They're still trying to raise funds to set it up for public display. So if you go to Soap Lake, you can't see it unless someone takes you to the warehouse where it's being stored.
   
   
4. In Barrow, Alaska, when the sun rises on May 11, it doesn't set again until August 2. Conversely, when it sets on November 19, it doesn't rise again until January 22.
   
   
5. "Yo' Mama" jokes (e.g., "Yo' Mama's so big I had to take a train and two busses just to get on her good side.") are the outgrowth of an oral tradition called "the dozens." They date back to the days of African slavery in America. Why "the dozens"? In New Orleans, slaves who were too old, sick, handicapped, or mutilated were sold by dozen. It was demeaning enough to be sold as a piece of property; the ultimate affront was to be deemed so worthless as to have no individual value. Thus, the harshest insult was to imply that one's mother was so fat, ugly, stupid, or old that she would be relegated to the dozens.
   

Please Join Us in Prayer

Tim Bass is my brother-in-law and an all-around great guy. Tim has bladder cancer that has metastacized to his lymph nodes. Cheryl and I just returned from the Cancer Treatment Center of America in Zion, Illinois, where Tim underwent a week of diagnostic tests. Though the official line on bladder cancer is that is is uncurable, the doctors at CTCA say that Tim's case is anomalous and they think there's a chance he can be cured. Tim is going for second and third opinions next week at Johns Hopkins and the University of Maryland. Please join us in praying for a miracle for Tim! If you get a chance, visit his page (you may have to register once you get there) at Care Pages and drop him a note of encouragement.

A Parable of Grace

Last Wednesday, I was craving coffee as I headed out the door for a 9:00 a.m. physical therapy appointment. "There's a McDonald's on the way," I thought. "I have just enough time to stop and get a cup ." Then I remembered that I had spent most of my cash the day before. Driving through rush-hour traffic with one hand, I fished out my wallet to discover a lone dollar bill--not enough for even a small coffee at McDonalds.

"No problem," I reasoned. "There's an ATM right on the way. I'll whip in there and get some cash." Then I recalled that it was the day before payday and my account was running dangerously low. So, once again I pulled out my wallet while dodging the road ragers. Holding cell phone in one hand and debit card in the other, I called the number on the back of the card to get my balance, all the while doing my very best Jeff Gordon impression. Now, my bank has recently been bought by another bank, so the first message I got was, "Welcome, new Chase Bank customer. To use our automated system, you must first register and select a PIN." So, while navigating through jammed traffic, I navigated the voice-mail labyrinth to get registered and find my account balance. Great news! I had enough to make an ATM withdrawal. I was beginning to taste that coffee!

I hung up my cell phone, simultaneously arriving at the bank. But curses! The three cars ahead of me all pulled into the same bank and lined up in the ATM lane. A surge of anger welled up; how dare they block my access to the ATM with their selfish desire for money! Impatiently observing their transactions, I became the world's foremost efficiency expert. "Hey, buddy, you can grab your cash and your receipt in one smooth motion, you know. You don't have to pull your arm back into the car, then stick it back out again." "Listen, lady, everyone knows that you do not sit at the ATM while you leisurely put your cash, receipt and debit card in your purse. You pull away immediately, and stash them while you're driving. Sheesh!"

Finally, it's my turn. Applying all of my expertise, I complete my ATM transaction in record time. Back into the traffic, I again skillfully dodge the idiots on the road while adroitly putting money, receipt and debit card in my wallet. Now I'm at McDonalds. I rush in and order a small coffee (all I'll have time to consume on the short trip to therapy). The girl hands me the coffee as I jam a fresh-from-the-ATM twenty into her palm. She hands the twenty back with a smile and says, "This is Wednesday; it's free coffee day!"

I wonder how much time, effort, worry and energy I expend on things I think are important, while my Father is patiently waiting to give me all I need for free. Sheesh!

Renewal

A few weeks ago, the activities director at a local senior citizen assisted-living facility called me. There are seven couples in the building who have been married 50+ years. She thought it would be great to have them renew their wedding vows. I agreed to do the honors.

Today, when I arrived for the ceremony, I saw a marker board--with writing that made me suspect it was done by a resident--that listed today's activities. There it was: "1:30 - Couples Renew Wedding Vowels."

The ceremony was lovely. The couples seemed genuinely moved. The wedding guests all said it was beautiful. But on the way home, I was wondering about renewing wedding vowels. At the risk of sounding like the cheesy preacher I am, here are some vowels I need to renew in my marriage:

A is for appreciation. As I write this, my wife is in Chicago with her brother, who is undergoing a battery of tests to determine if and how far his cancer has spread. She works hard every day without pay, ministering to the poorest people in Detroit through three daycare centers. She has a lot of responsibility there, but she dropped it all to go and be with her brother. I vow to renew my appreciation for this woman whose heart leads her to live so sacrificially.

E is for encouragement. Cheryl is an internally-motivated person. She does what she does because she feels called to it, not because she thinks someone will notice and heap praise on her. She handles discouragement far better than I do. Everything she's accomplished in her ministry has been in the face of wilting pessimism and criticism. I'm ashamed to admit that some of the discouraging skepticism has come from me. I vow to be more encouraging to my wife, especially when others are not.

I is for intimacy. After 35 years of marriage, I'm still learning the art of emotional intimacy. I want to exhibit the kind of character that convinces her that she is absolutely safe with me, that she can know and be known at the very deepest level without fear or shame. I vow to listen to her with my "inner ear"; to see her with the eyes of my heart; to know her as fully and lovingly as her God does, as far as is humanly possible.

O is for open-heartedness. We are both very busy. I thought the empty nest would provide us an opportunity to spend long, lazy hours together. It didn't work out that way. We both have demanding, time-intensive, emotionally draining jobs. I vow to discipline my use of time so that I can reserve some of the best of me to for my wife. And I vow to take time to drop in on her at random, or get her a silly little gift, or do something unexpectedly sweet--just because.

U is for unselfishness. I have no doubt that Cheryl has made by far the greater sacrifice for the sake of our marriage. She makes few demands. She is not "high maintenance" by anyone's standard. Far too often, I take advantage of her giving spirit by gladly receiving more from her than I give back. I vow to be less selfish and more sacrificial in expressing my love to her.

Well, those are the vowels I need to renew. What about you? What marriage vowels do you need to renew?

Church Fun

Several months ago, we were producing a pictorial directory for our church. We were having trouble getting people to sign up to to have their pictures taken. So we made this little video. It worked like a charm. Enjoy! (Many thanks to Jim McCardell for shooting and editing it.)

What Faith Looks Like

Last night, I led my class through the classic arguments that Christians have used to demonstrate God's existence. Then I said that the most powerful argument for God's existence is a life that bears the image of Jesus Christ.

After I got home, I heard the shocking story of Laura VanRyn (pictured above) and Whitney Cerak. Both college students were in a car accident a month ago, which apparently killed Whitney and left Laura in a coma. Over the weekend, "Laura" came out of the coma insisting that she was Whitney. It turned out that the coroner (and Whitney's family) had misidentified Laura's body. It was actually Whitney who survived and Laura who had been killed.

If you want to know what real faith looks like, go to the blog that the VanRyn family began after the accident to update friends and family on Laura's condition. The faith of the family shines through, despite their shredded hearts and the shock of discovering the misidentification. Their faith is not an opiate they suddenly grabbed in pain and desperation. It's a long-standing trust, developed and nurtured over years of good times and bad. Now, facing the worst trial imaginable, their faith is solid, because it's rooted in the reality of the God who sustains them.

We are fervently praying for the VanRyn family. Nothing can ever compensate for the loss of their wonderful, beautiful daughter. But their faith has touched me deeply and caused me to fall even more deeply in love with my Lord.