Renewal

A few weeks ago, the activities director at a local senior citizen assisted-living facility called me. There are seven couples in the building who have been married 50+ years. She thought it would be great to have them renew their wedding vows. I agreed to do the honors.

Today, when I arrived for the ceremony, I saw a marker board--with writing that made me suspect it was done by a resident--that listed today's activities. There it was: "1:30 - Couples Renew Wedding Vowels."

The ceremony was lovely. The couples seemed genuinely moved. The wedding guests all said it was beautiful. But on the way home, I was wondering about renewing wedding vowels. At the risk of sounding like the cheesy preacher I am, here are some vowels I need to renew in my marriage:

A is for appreciation. As I write this, my wife is in Chicago with her brother, who is undergoing a battery of tests to determine if and how far his cancer has spread. She works hard every day without pay, ministering to the poorest people in Detroit through three daycare centers. She has a lot of responsibility there, but she dropped it all to go and be with her brother. I vow to renew my appreciation for this woman whose heart leads her to live so sacrificially.

E is for encouragement. Cheryl is an internally-motivated person. She does what she does because she feels called to it, not because she thinks someone will notice and heap praise on her. She handles discouragement far better than I do. Everything she's accomplished in her ministry has been in the face of wilting pessimism and criticism. I'm ashamed to admit that some of the discouraging skepticism has come from me. I vow to be more encouraging to my wife, especially when others are not.

I is for intimacy. After 35 years of marriage, I'm still learning the art of emotional intimacy. I want to exhibit the kind of character that convinces her that she is absolutely safe with me, that she can know and be known at the very deepest level without fear or shame. I vow to listen to her with my "inner ear"; to see her with the eyes of my heart; to know her as fully and lovingly as her God does, as far as is humanly possible.

O is for open-heartedness. We are both very busy. I thought the empty nest would provide us an opportunity to spend long, lazy hours together. It didn't work out that way. We both have demanding, time-intensive, emotionally draining jobs. I vow to discipline my use of time so that I can reserve some of the best of me to for my wife. And I vow to take time to drop in on her at random, or get her a silly little gift, or do something unexpectedly sweet--just because.

U is for unselfishness. I have no doubt that Cheryl has made by far the greater sacrifice for the sake of our marriage. She makes few demands. She is not "high maintenance" by anyone's standard. Far too often, I take advantage of her giving spirit by gladly receiving more from her than I give back. I vow to be less selfish and more sacrificial in expressing my love to her.

Well, those are the vowels I need to renew. What about you? What marriage vowels do you need to renew?